So I went for 4 job interviews this week. 4. Yes 4. I went for one and thought yeah it’s alright. The next day I found out I have another one. LOVED IT. Then went for a second interview at both of them. Today in my sisters and my mums group chat and I quote I said: “I will cry if I don’t get this job”. LITERALLY.
I think we all have that outlook sometimes that things won’t go our way. Things won’t go as planned. I know I’m one to always think the worse. I also thought if I think badly about the job maybe good will come. I know my psychology is messed uppppp.
So I got the call from the agency saying they are going to call the company. It was 4:50pm I thought if I stare at this phone any more I’m going to go mad. Then my sister say I’ve got a call. I answer it. I got the damn job!
It got me thinking we always think the worse, but still hope for the best. I literally always do. For once the outcome was in my favour and I’m literally on cloud 9. Yes at the age of 21 I jumped up and down for joy. Then opened the bottle of prosecco and am now sitting here drinking alone (Because who doesn’t like a Bridget Jones interpretation). No one else wanted to drink on a Thursday night can’t think why?!!
Anyway it just got me thinking we think the worse and give ourselves less credit than we deserve! On that note I need to go pack to spend my last weekend pretending I’m a Uni student before acting like a serious adult starting my job on Monday.
They tell you to go to school and gain an education, they recommend further education so that you can go to university. Then at 18 the options are to get a job in who knows what or go to University. So you spend another three years doing a course purely because you did well at it with no idea what you’re going to do with it.
Fast forward to being 21 graduating with a First. What happens now?
For a long time I’ve thought I would figure out what I want to do with my life in a few years. At 16 I thought I would know after my A-Levels. After my A-Levels I was sure I would know what I wanted to do after University. After three years and a ton of education later do I know what I want to do haven’t got a fucking clue.
Being a 20 something today there is so much pressure; to get the right grades and then to get the right job. I didn’t apply for Graduate roles. One because I didn’t know what I wanted to do and Two because I didn’t want to put the pressure on myself to compete with the snobby people I would imagine going for the same roles as me. I know its bad haha but I just thought if I kept doing me I would figure it out eventually.
After spending my summer abroad and now it’s September. I’ll say it again SEPTEMBER I haven’t got a clue what I want to do. I’m currently applying for jobs in business (I did my degree in this) I know who on earth does that?!
I’m not applying for these jobs because I envision a career in business in a 9-5 office making money no wayyyy! I’m doing it so that I can raise enough money so that I can get out of this town, get out of this country and go see the world. And then when I’m closer to 30 maybe maybe never I’ll have it together. Because right now I most certainly don’t want to sit in an office and live to work then die. If that’s what I did all this Education for then I don’t know why I bothered.
My sister and I are already trying to plan our next trip in November. Admittedly neither of us have jobs, she graduates tomorrow and I graduate next month. But still it’s crazy how all this Education has made me want to run for the hills not actually use the knowledge I gained to get a good job which would be the appropriate use for them.
Anyway this is my post-grad rant after applying to several jobs. I’m waiting for the family members to ask “so what are you going to do now you’ve finished university and travelling?” if anyone has any appropriate responses and by appropriate I mean inappropriate feel free to comment!
Recently I’ve met up with people from Uni who I don’t speak to that often and have treated me like rubbish in the past. People may ask why I bothered even giving them the time of day. I like to think im a forgiving person and someone that can rise above. This may be viewed as weak, but it is who I am. So although I was apprehensive I met up with them anyway.
I would like to think this last year has changed me. I’ve learnt to stand on my own two feet and if I’m not happy having the courage to make changes.
So I met up with one friend which ended up a disaster, but I kind of treated it as closure. I have finally accepted that I have gave them a chance and they were no different.
Last weekend I also met up with another friend. My mum doesn’t approve of this person because she treats me like crap. All I could think of was the Justin Bieber song ‘Love Yourself’ haha. So I waited a year before seeing her then she ended up also treating me like crap. After I drove all that way. Although she did apologise it was a backhanded apology.
I’ve finally got my closure. I’m not gonna worry about what they think of me and how they feel because let’s be honest they don’t care. Some people would have dropped these people along time ago. It may have taken me a bit longer, but I think it’s a lesson learned and it’s time to move on.
Now I’m on to bigger and better things although it may have taken me a long time to realise having very few friends is better than having friends who treat you worse than strangers.
People tell you don’t do it, you know what happened last time, you should trust your gut. Yet I did…
I think when someone does something to upset me I give them plenty of chances as I’m a forgiving person, but I’ll always have my guard up with them.
So after moving back from uni I didn’t really keep in contact with some of my uni friends as they were partly why I was so unhappy. However one of my friends kept pushing me to go and see him, so after nearly a year of not speaking I thought yes I’ll meet up with them. People change right?
Oh how I was wrong…
People don’t change that much I knew they would act exactly how they did previously my gut told me to not bother. Yet I still went? And what happened the night was ruined by the same girl who ruined my time at uni for two years.
So why did I bother. Some people will never change no matter how much you convince yourself it will be different. It never is some people are just bitter and nasty and that’s okay but I know for sure their won’t be a next time this time. And I vow to listen to my instincts.
Happy Sunday from someone with a painful head and a heavy heart!
So it’s been a while! I didn’t really have anything to add so I thought I would just do a general life update. This week marks a year since I started this blog crazyyyy. Now I’m about to finish Uni (STRESS) trying to plan my summer and organise life in-between. These are all good things it’s just everything is happening at once.
On a brighter note I quit my job! Whoop Whoop 3 weeks and counting till I no longer have to make coffee’s or serve food I hate to rude customers so that’s exciting I just wish it was sooner…
Fun fact: I recently read that the happiest people make their bed in the morning, I looked at my bed (unmade) and decided to start making it because I’m not unhappy?! It lasted a day… I’m just too lazy or in too much of a rush to care enough. Note to self: Must try harder to not look unhappy.
So anyway I booked to go Scotland the week after Uni is finished. It’s crazy that I live in the UK and have only been to Ireland (aside from England of course) so yeah, Edinburgh here we come which should be fun!
My summer so far is looking good:
And it’s the big 21 birthday in Mexico which is crazy as I am in no position to be and adult. I haven’t actually thought about my birthday much, life just seems to be flying by…
In September I will have to get a real job and be a fully fledged adult (no idea what in) in the mean time I plan to live out my summer as a reckless youth because isn’t that what students do?
So anyway hope everyone had a good Easter this week I am back to eating healthy after eating my body weight in Easter eggs! PEACE OUT XOX
I feel like I plan so much. I like to know where I’m going and at what time. I like to know when things have to be done and how. People sometimes call me the Boff or the SWOT at Uni, because I tend to start my assignments early. Who doesn’t want to do well right? okay that sounded a little nerdish I also plan ahead because I never want to be one of those deadline day types of people (within reason) so I like to be organised. BUT then there are times that i am completely reckless and live on the wild side…
Reckless – heedless of danger or the consequences of ones actions…
Perhaps its something to do with my zodiac sign? which is cancer. I can plan so much, but sometimes I do things that even I’m like woahhh. This is when I know i’m at my most happiest. Because i’m not planning my diet, or my next workout, or when I have to go to work next or when i should be finishing assignments i just go and do something that actually makes me feel alive!
The other weekend my sister and one of our friends mentioned about going to a festival, the next day we booked it haha. I was at work I just transferred the £200 a now i’m going to a 5 day festival?!
Yesterday I had the most awful day at work. I still exercised, but then ate a takeaway and drank wine? It was a Tuesday night and this morning i had a presentation?
This one is a little less impulsive if you call 3 days less impulsive, but more reckless. So work has been treating me so bad recently that I was actually adding up yesterday if i could afford to quit my job yet or if i would have to wait a little longer until after Uni finished. However, my mum was like “oh just have Thursday off” as the planner and good person I am I haven’t had one day off work in the 6 and 1/2 months that i have been there (not that I’m counting or anything). My response was; “no, i’m not going to have Thursday off because I think i’m going to bunk Saturday” haha.
These little decisions or plans are the things that make me feel the most alive and happy, because they are moments right now. Although its good to plan ahead! I have so many exciting things happenings this summer it’s also important not to wish life away, by doing the little impulsive things that get us through the day a little easier…
It’s okay to have those ‘bad’ days. This weekend I didn’t have work, therefore I ate the entire fridge haha (joking…kinda). I didn’t exercise, I didn’t do any Uni work I spent Saturday and Sunday with family and friends. Drunk alcohol for three days straight and ate the same amount of chocolate as the weight of a small child.
I realised though, it’s okay. People say balance is a good thing. For me I was always adverse to balance due to the fact I’m either all in or all out. There is no in between for me.
As a result today I have woke up hungry (still didn’t eat) went to Uni, now at lunch I ate a small cheese and some cashew nuts. I get that people say oh you should eat normally even after you have had a binge. My mental attitude is not a supporter of this knowing full well I deserve not to eat. Almost 4 months into this diet ‘lifestyle’ I know I ate the food I’m now living with the consequences. The ironic thing is that last week I ate even less than that before I exercised and then ate normally and was fine. Due to my body consuming so much food at the weekend I’ve now had the opposite effect.
Was it worth it? Hell yeah Well some would argue no, today I argue no. Tomorrow when I’m back to more suitable eating I’ll probably say yes. I would never think my body could get use to so much good nutrition that having two days bad would actually leave me so bloated and heavily impacted by these changes.
In hindsight I should have ate a lot less, but isn’t that why hindsight’s a beautiful thing? Anyway tomorrow is a new day, today I am back to exercising and dieting and slowly starving and healthy living.
Hope everyone has a good Monday! One positive is I am 27 days into lent and still haven’t drunk any fizzy drinks, question though is drinking wine just as bad at this point haha…