We are constantly putting ourselves and others on a pedestal. We scale ourselves against each other in order to see who performs better whether this be in life, in competition or in the way we look. I am no stranger to this scale. In order to lose weight and get fit I put myself on a scale everyday through weighting myself, through counting the calories I eat, through looking at fitness pictures and being envious of people’s bodies.
However, some would argue this is the society we live in today. Although I would like to think I don’t judge others I am no stranger to comparing myself. I have recently learnt that not everything can be measured! I took photos at the start of this year to compare my weight loss and recently took them again. I had lost weight significantly which the scale didn’t actually reflect. Don’t get me wrong the scale going down is a very satisfying feeling for myself, but I know now I’m more than just a scale.
I read this quote the other day about the cost of ambition. It couldn’t be truer, but how do we measure ambitions success? Usually by a number on a scale from where we are to where we want to be. Personally I think we should measure it by our performance on our way to success, because determination to get to the place we want to be is more satisfying on reflection than the number we get as a result.
Although hitting the 1 stone number this week was a very happy feeling, even my Fitbit informed me I had lost 6kg so maybe happiness can be measured in numbers sometimes…
Weight loss. It’s one of those things that plays on every one’s mind. We all want to be a little more of this and little less of that. We make the New Year’s resolutions, we promise ourselves we will start Monday. Yetevery timewe do we give uponlyto start again a month later. Anyone elserememberthis vicious cycle?
I have been in that cycle from the start of my teenage years to last year. Don’t getmewrong I had lost weight, but most of the timeIgave up. InSeptemberI began a new Uni, new job and was happy living back at home. These all contributed to me wanting to lose the stone I had gained in my second year of Uni (and more). However, I did have those plummets still until January. When I promised myself enough is enough! Yes I love to drink (who doesn’t) and yes I love to eat (I only have to say chocolate and gain a stone). However, Irealisedif I really wanted to lose the weight Icouldn’tjust keep doing these on again off again crash diets that I was doing. I had to have a plan and stick to it…
Now on month 3Ihave lost 11 pounds I took dreaded pictures (I won’t share), but Irecentlythought let’s compare and see ifthere isany change. The scales haven’t gone down asquickas I hoped, but my body shape has changed. I have recently changed diets I was originally doing the 5:2 diet where I eat 500 calories for two days and the rest I ate 800. However, as someone who struggles not eating (who doesn’t) my bodycan’talwayshandlethe lack of food. I have now decided to start the Joe Wicks shape plan where I eat 2 meals with no carbs and one meal with carbs only if I exercise that day. Last week I did 6 exercises andattendedwork and Uni haha.
Today. Ididn’teat breakfast which was bad of me… but for lunchIhad cheese, chopped carrots, tomato, cucumber and pepper. I also had some fruit and some cashew nuts. Later onI’mgoing to a pump class it’s a weight class for 45 minutes, but then I will be eating a low CalspaghettiCarbonara.
Don’t get me wrong unlessyou’re afull on lover of healthy eating and exercise. It’s not fun, butIknow I’m never going to lose weight if Idon’tmake changes and sometimes we do have to make sacrifices. I know I can eat a bad meal or eat chocolate, but I also know bysacrificingsomething the scales are going down and my body changing for the better is my reward. Being both a lover of food and someone who wants to lose weight is fine, its just about finding the balance in the right direction. Anyone else agree or have any weight lossstory’sI am a bitobsessedwith themI’mnot going to lie haha! xoxo
It’s the thing that drived me to carry on with University when I couldn’t stop crying this time last year.
It’s the thing that told me I didn’t need that extra chocolate bar even though I really wanted it.
It’s the thing that told me to stop drinking alcohol and go out and fix my problems because throwing up wasn’t the answer anymore.
So now as I sit here waiting to go to a gym class starving hungry because I ate so much this weekend that my body isn’t use to the fact that I have eaten next to nothing patiently waiting for 7:30 so that I can finally eat my dinner.
Motivation is my biggest drive, but it’s also that annoying voice in my head telling me I can do better than I am. Sometimes I listen sometimes I don’t.
Next month is December and the end of 2016! What the hell?! This time in 5 months I would have finished uni, these next five months determine what result I get. They also determine what the hell I will be doing with my life and also whether I would have lost this extra stone and half I’ve been carrying around…
The future is the one thing that scares me, but my motivation to get to where I want to be to is what keeps me going. As we leave 2016 and we start the “new year new me” quotes I have decided this year it not a new me it’s the better me the one that doesn’t always think the worse, the one who tries harder, the one whose more determind and the one whose not afraid of going after the dreams that are patiently waiting in my head. Through motivation I will get there….
This week I’ve found a new sense of positivity. In life, in my education and in fitness. It’s almost like I’ve flicked the switch. I get so worried about the future that I forget to live in the present. We are all desperate for more, but what if this is it. You are in control of your own life if this is it then you have to go and fight for better. Rather than complain, I know no one else is gonna change my life for me so I better start.
This week I’m back to healthy eating I finally wore my new trainers to the gym (it’s the little things) and have started eating better. Along with drinking my green tea (strong advocate go try!) Small changes will eventually amount to big differences with time and patience. I figure if I spend all my time complaining why not spend my time changing ?
Anyone else started to change this week?
Today’s quote of the day;
I feel like I’ve moved on from this and ready to handle what life throws at me!
So next week I turn 20! I will no longer be a teenager its crazy! I feel like I could just be starting School for the first time rather than looking for job’s and heading into my final year of University. I feel like ive always been mature (except with a drink in my hand), and i’ve learnt so much about myself. Particularly in the last few years i think ive had to face a lot and overcome so much. Sometimes I did honestly think it was the end of the world whenever I face a failure or things didn’t go the way I wanted them too. Looking back now i realise that all these things make me who i am. Would I be the same person if i quit uni 7 months ago? Would I be happy with where I am now when I decided to go to University 2 years ago. I don’t think i ever realised how my life would turn out, but im finally okay with that. I’ve realised you can plan all you want, but no matter what life is always going to have other plans.
So I decided to come up with things ive learnt about myself before i leave my teenage years in the past;
Grades aren’t everything your family will still love you!
I never wanted to fail I’m not the smartest of people i’m also very dizzy at times including when I full on tripped over a step and had to grab onto my sister for support (i was dying with laughter).
Stop having social anxiety you have always been dizzy so your always going to embarrass yourself in public no matter what you do! Anyone that knows me personally knows that I freak out at social awkwardness. I literally hate making people wait, or just any awks moment even if I’m just with the person whose doing it. I also get embarrassed so easily so when I trip over or do something stupid in public i go very red. I think it’s finally time to accept I’m always going to embarrass myself and just embrace it!
Stop thinking the worlds against you I always think that I’m so unlucky. In some respects I probably am, but so is everyone else in the world. Its time to accept that things may not go my way 90% of the time so embrace that damnnnn 10% that do!
These are my 3 major hang ups throughout the majority of my later teenage years. I think now that I’m turning 20 im entering a new chapter the slate is wiped clean and it’s time to make new memories and have more incredible adventures. I’m not one to make plans partly because I’m crap at sticking to them, but also out of fear that I will never achieve them. So rather than create some mad bucket list I have come up with a few things i would like to do in the next 10 years (giving myself a long period of time so failure will not be an option);
Run the London Marathon – Me and my sister have promised ourselves we will do this one day. I think it would be such a personal achievement and hey I’m getting a Fitbit for my birthday maybe this whole fitness things is finally working side note I never thought i would be one of those fitness people I feel like ive went over to the dark side..
Go to more concerts – I absolutely love music if only I could sing, but yeah i literally go everywhere with my earphones in. Can i still do that at 20 or is that immature? (joke) I’ll still be doing it when im 80! So yeah, i need to go to more festivals and concerts aswell as find friends that do actually like the same music as me…
Travel – I’ve always said I want to do this. I always felt like I need to find a loyal friend which turns out are hard to come by to do this. I’ve realised now that i can do this alone what’s stopping me? i’ve been in Education for so long its time to go on the road!
Go to NEW YORK CITY (again) – When I was 15 I went to NYC for 5 days with my School. I still to this day in my very short experience of traveling have never found a place so incredible. I must go again because 5 days wasn’t enough to see the city, i also want to visit other places in America. I can still remember looking up at the buildings in Times Square and being so mesmerized by the experience. (Any Americans out their I’m very jealous of you).
So now I’ve written it down I guess I have to go and achieve these things. In the mean time I plan to drink large amounts of alcohol and enjoy life with family and friends while I spend my last few days getting away with stuff because that’s what teenage rebels do don’t they?
Todays quote of the day;
Today’s positive of the day; I’ve finally sent out CV’s to look for a new job. Turns out binge watching tv for 4 days isn’t really appropriate when you’re turning 20…
Recently I’ve realised that not everyone needs to know everything I do. I don’t trust easy, but the people I do trust I’m compelled to tell them how I feel or what I’m thinking. I’ve realise that sometimes you don’t need to let someone know everything about you so that they will be your friend.
I related this to my new found strength HIIT training with dumbbells which is absolutely killing me btw. When you stand still holding the dumbbell you feel strength and empowerment ready to take on the challenge but, when you do that bicep curl and lift the weight above your head you start to shake. This is a lot like people when you first meet and connect with someone you want to tell them everything about you so that they can get to know you and you find strength in a new found friendship. However, the friendship can reach a peak like a dumbbell and as soon as you make a decision that they don’t like you then find yourself justifying your choices to suit them. It no longer becomes about what you want to do and more about why this decision doesn’t sit right with them. The only way to stop it is to lower the dumbbell so that your no longer justifying your choices.
Today’s quote of the day;
Photo credit – Ronda Rousey Instagram
I liked this quote as it speaks to truth to how I’m feeling recently. When you let people in you find yourself explaining everything about your decisions when people should accept what you say at face value.
Today’s positive of the day;
Although my day consisted of revision for exams and doing a HIIT workout with Dumbbells which have absolutely destroyed my body. I am actually happy.