Urgh social media I love to hate it. I’m the type of person who loves to go abroad because half the time I can’t be on my phone usually because there is no wifi. However, when I come home I’m still always glued to my phone. It’s like how can I be both people?
Social media also drives me mad because you can basically follow what everyone’s doing. People you like, people you don’t like as much and just everyone in general.
Then there’s ‘liking’ people’s post and reading into what it means. It’s so damn calculated. When someone who I dunno maybe you like or unsure about (clearly undecided), likes your post I read into it so damn much. I’m like why did they like a post from 3 days ago. It obviously means they looked at your profile?
Okay I’ll stop venting. Thank god I’m getting on a plane tomorrow haha. However, just seen another earthquake has hit near Naples in Italy. Guess whose going to be their on Sunday…
I read this quote the other day;
“I am here to live out loud” – Emilia Zolita
I feel like I need to take this advice and stop questioning everything online and just live. If people want to do weird and calculated things it’s on them. I’m just going to keep doing me. On that note I need to go pack for Italy….
I always hate the feeling of being trapped it’s like being stuck somewhere you don’t belong. Home was always the saviour whenever I hated uni I knew I could always come home. Whenever I went to my dad’s house on the weekend and hated sitting their knowing I was always a second class citizen I knew I only had to wait till 4pm Sunday evening to come home. However, what happens when you’re finally content with life and home isn’t where you want to be…
This summer I’ve seen so much and although I’ve had a desire to travel I’ve always been hesitant because of uni experiences and life in general I never thought I could do it.
But now things are different…
I hate being stuck at home I’m counting down the days till I’m in Italy. I’ve come up with a plan so that I can travel and see more of the world after I’ve come back from Italy. Things take time, but for once I’ve got a plan. And although it pains me to say it although I do love home. Me, my sister and my mum are literally the three musketeers we are so close and I’m so grateful for that. This in no way is meant to sound ungrateful, but I finally understand the meaning of flying the nest.
I’m ready to move on. Ready to see the world. I’ve never had such a burning desire to get out of this town where everything’s been the same for a very long time. Most people here seem to be stuck with no desire to move on.
Today I watched ‘Everything Everything’ it’s a good film I would deffo recommend. It’s basically about this girl who is trapped in her house due to having a severe illness. I won’t ruin the ending, but let’s just say being stuck in her house is kind of how I feel right now.
When I was sitting on the beach in Greece or travelling on a boat I never felt so free. Now that this is my reality being stuck at home part of me feels like I’m waiting for the next adventure when surely life should just be one big adventure?
It’s okay to have those ‘bad’ days. This weekend I didn’t have work, therefore I ate the entire fridge haha (joking…kinda). I didn’t exercise, I didn’t do any Uni work I spent Saturday and Sunday with family and friends. Drunk alcohol for three days straight and ate the same amount of chocolate as the weight of a small child.
I realised though, it’s okay. People say balance is a good thing. For me I was always adverse to balance due to the fact I’m either all in or all out. There is no in between for me.
As a result today I have woke up hungry (still didn’t eat) went to Uni, now at lunch I ate a small cheese and some cashew nuts. I get that people say oh you should eat normally even after you have had a binge. My mental attitude is not a supporter of this knowing full well I deserve not to eat. Almost 4 months into this diet ‘lifestyle’ I know I ate the food I’m now living with the consequences. The ironic thing is that last week I ate even less than that before I exercised and then ate normally and was fine. Due to my body consuming so much food at the weekend I’ve now had the opposite effect.
Was it worth it? Hell yeah Well some would argue no, today I argue no. Tomorrow when I’m back to more suitable eating I’ll probably say yes. I would never think my body could get use to so much good nutrition that having two days bad would actually leave me so bloated and heavily impacted by these changes.
In hindsight I should have ate a lot less, but isn’t that why hindsight’s a beautiful thing? Anyway tomorrow is a new day, today I am back to exercising and dieting and slowly starving and healthy living.
Hope everyone has a good Monday! One positive is I am 27 days into lent and still haven’t drunk any fizzy drinks, question though is drinking wine just as bad at this point haha…
Recently I’ve realised I was settling. Settling in life, settling with friends, settling with my future. After going through a rough patch I got back to what i felt was my ‘normal’ stage which on reflection wasn’t really normal it was just what I was used to. The only way i can describe it is when someone ask’s you “are you alright or how are you today?” my response was always “I’m okay”. I think i was so used to going through rough patches that when i had hit my ‘normal’ stage i would always say I’m okay. WELL in the last month I have discovered something…
LIFE SHOULD BE MORE THAN OKAY. At the moment i have a lost of positives, i had a temporary summer job, i now have a job for when I’m back at Uni. I am starting a new Uni soon and already starting my dissertation to be prepared for my final year. Side note: any tips on dissertations greatly appreciated it took my 3 hours to decide the aim of my dissertation (SEND HELP). For once i feel like i have something to say about my life when people ask me how i’m doing? or what have I been up to? Before i used to say “oh you know not much” i actually dreaded someone asking me what had I been up to for the fear that i would have to hold a conversation about nothing. Partly because i was unhappy with my life and who wants to talk about their life when they are unhappy?
Right now i would say things are positive I am so much happier! I really do wish i could put this feeling in a bottle and give it to someone who needs it. For the last year i didn’t know what being happy was. When i think about my life only a few things have changed, but these few things have changed me so much that I’m actually enjoying where i am right now. For once i’m making plans, plans about my future, i’m finally gonna save up and have the guts to go travelling after I finish university and then who knows, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve realised it doesn’t matter what i do as long as i’m happy which i can honestly say I am.
Today’s quote of the day;
Today’s lyrics of the day;
“And I’ll rise up, High like the waves I’ll rise up in spite of the ache, I’ll rise up And I’ll do it a thousands times again” ~ Andra Day – Rise Up
I have always lived my life worrying, worrying what will happen if I do/don’t do something, worrying if I made different choices I wouldn’t be in the position I am. Worrying about worrying.
Until recently when I had a major breakdown I realised I couldn’t even be happy about the prospect of a job because in my eyes the likely hood of actually getting it won’t pay off. It’s crazy to think this your whole life can be lived with fear and every action you take is calculated to ensure something may/may not happen.
I realised even if you predetermine every step and every choice you make nothing’s going to go to plan because when does life ever? But it’s not necessarily a bad thing. I’m not a religious person, but I like to think God has a plan and I’m exactly where I should be right now.
So I vow to stop worrying about things that could happen and just go with it. Just enjoy life, I spend so much worrying that it’s time to start living.
Today’s quote of the day;
So I decided to change-up my blog rather than have one positive. Life should just be a positive and one thing I loveeeee is music, discovering new artists and just everything about music in general so I decided to choose my fav song lyrics on this particular day instead. Today’s lyrics of the day;
“I’m a comeback kid. Don’t know why bad things happened, but they did. I don’t think I deserve the hurt I get, but I’m made for it. It’s not the end” ~ The Band Perry – Comeback Kid
We can all spend too much time drifting through life waiting for the next job or waiting to go back to Education. I feel like I’ve been doing it for the last 2 years. Living in the comfort zone, but is it really that comfortable?
I’m not someone who likes to be bold and brave. Once you know me I will be my loud and proud self, but only a few people really know me. Instead I spend most of my time sitting and waiting. This time last year I spent my 3 months of summer doing basically nothing I ended up gaining a stone which was not cool.
This year, this month, even this day I’ve decided its time to change...
I’ve been living life in the comfort zone for so long I forgot what it’s like to do something brave and adventurous! Isn’t that what life’s about at the end of the day? In the last week I’ve stopped worrying about the comfort zone and decided to take a leap of faith. Life never went my way in the comfort zone any way so what have I got to lose? Sooooo here was my week. To some people these may seem like little things, to me they are proving to myself that i can find myself again and truly be happy.
So i got my car last week after not driving for 2 years since I passed my test i got in the car and drove! i have a Fitbit and its safe to say my heart rate has been in the fat burning zone every time i get in the car! But i haven’t crashed yet (touch wood) and the thought of driving alone was the most intimidating thing ever. However, i am doing it! I can’t park for shit, but I’ve got the whole driving thing down to a T in a week.
I went to a job agency on Monday… I now have temp work tomorrow as well as a job interview for full-time work before I go back to Uni. I am the most anxious person so when it comes to things like speaking to people i don’t know i clam up. This time its different. I’m ready, i just want to get the job. I feel more confident now than i have in a long time and honestly believe i can do this! Side note; I have been doing the odd jobs around the house a little good karma can help can’t it 😉 Any advice for someone who hasn’t been to a job interview in a good few years would be greatly appreciated!
Exercise – I make out that i hate it, but since getting my Fitbit i cant lie i have been secretly a little obsessed. In doing so it actually makes me feel better and has counter acted my nerves for 1 and 2 slightly…
This whole week has been an eye opener for me. I feel better in myself and honestly feel I can do so much more. Whether I get the job or I don’t I know I tried and that’s all anyone can do.
Today’s quote of the day;
Today’s positive of the day;
I didn’t stall my car for the first time today! Things are looking up eh?!
Last week I felt so negative about where I was at in my life, partly because I was doing the same thing every single day and although I was looking for a job i didn’t have much hope in finding one. I thought great is this it, is this the feeling I am going to have for the next 3 months? I discovered in that moment that the future doesn’t hold anyone’s happiness it’s about right now. So this post is for me and anyone else to read when life isn’t going the way we hope think about the good moments that have already occurred. For me it occurred straight after that moment which I’m not sure if it was luck or just fate.
So after feeling negative and finally admitting to myself how I had been feeling all these things occurred straight after;
I received a phone call offering me an interview for work finally! I then went to my Dad’s house that night to celebrate my birthday and found out he bought me a car. To say I was shocked was an understatement. I then drove my car home which is about 25 minutes away after not driving since I past my test 2 years ago. To say I was shitting it was an understatement haha can you imagine. I can confirm I did survive and did not crash.
Now this week I feel I can take on new heights, do new things, be whatever i want. I know people always say it, but I genuinely wish i could bottle up this feeling so that my future self no matter how bad things are there is always hope. I know I’m not a confident person and dread the thought of being out of my comfort zone.
However, this week I feel like a completely different person after the good things that have happened to me. I feel more determined than ever in life and I just know that what ever happens in life good or bad I’ll survive.
Today’s quote of the day;
Today’s positive of the day;
Hopeful finding a summer job soon and finally getting off my bum and doing something!