I Hate My Job

So I was sitting with my sister and she said I feel like you just need to admit you hate it. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I tried to justify it, I tried to convince her (and myself) that noooo it’s not so bad. But the truth I hate it. 9-5 is not for me. I would rather be dead that do this for the next 30 years. I read this post the other day; to the girl who lost her ambition to travel. People asked what you wanted to do in 5 years time she stated she wanted to be in this country or that country. They replied no as a job?

I’ve never related to anything so much haha. I go to work I come home I get drunk on the weekends and then repeat the same action as I have for the last 8 weeks. And I know my whole life isn’t revolved around a job, but when you work 9-5 5 days a week. Let’s get real here it kind of is!

My sister has finally figured out what she wants to do. Me on the other hand I still want to see the world and then figure it out. I’m 21 not 50. I think I definitely have post-graduate blues. Don’t get me wrong I hated university, but when people asked you what you wanted to do it was okay not to know because when your a student your still a child. Now that I have a full time job, with a degree that answer doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Anyway here’s to figuring out my next step in traveling whilst trying not to quit my job every single day!

I don’t really have a purpose for this photo except for I took it haha.

This is basically a photo of my life haha I joke!


Abandoning My Blog and Reuniting With Old Friends

So 9-5 I’ve been at it a good 5 weeks in that time I’ve graduated. Woo! But I’ve discovered some things;

1. I do not want to work 9-5 for the rest of my life. One morning I googled Dolly Parsons 9-5 song in the madness and have never realised the lyrics are so true…

“Barely gettin’ by, it’s all takin’ and no givin” – you can tell that to my bank account

“They let you dream just to watch ’em shatter. You’re just a step on the boss-man’s ladder” – basically you are pretty much a nobody

Okay I’ll stop with the lyrics now but it’s so true.

2. I thought my plans of travelling would change turns out it’s gave me more of a desire to do it

I’m 21 not old! If this is what I’ve signed up for, for the rest of my life it’s a no from me! I even said to my mum if I’m still here in two years literally write my letter of resignation.

So they were just some of the things I learnt in this 9-5 life. I recently also reunited with an old friend. She had messaged me when the earthquake hit in kos and although I said I’d message her when I’m back by the time I had finally got my life together it was October.

I thought take the risk she can only ignore me or just say no? So I did it. I don’t know why I was ever so afraid most of the time people are in the exact same position as you. We just never realise it. It turned out we had such an amazing night we agreed to keep in contact more regularly and to this day we still have. Our friendship is 7 years old but we haven’t seen each other in 2 and half years in between the chatting and of course the drinking it was amazing how much we had shared in common including tough times. 

I would recommend everyone who thinks about a friend or someone they haven’t spoken to in a while just message them! A lot of the time they are probably building up the courage to message you!

Anyway as I’ve turned into an old lady who literally parties at the weekend and goes to bed early in the week I will say goodnight!

The Club Isn’t The Best Place To Find A Lover

So I went back to my old university this weekend with my sister and our best friend. My sister was like you’ve got to kiss someone this weekend. I said “no im meant to have matured since university! This will not be happening”.

We had a conversation the other day about the dreaded Tinder and she asked me do you want to meet someone? And I thought about it…

Yeah I do want to meet someone but I still have hope that you can meet someone the convential way by actually communicating in person rather than through a swipe right. I also said I want someone to like me for me with all my faults and all.

I would like to point out no I did not kiss anyone. See I told you I’ve matured… anyway. We were on the drive home and I was like yeah I do need to put myself out there more. And my sister said yeah but the club isn’t the best place to find a lover. GOOD OLD ED!

So how do you meet someone? 

Work – that would be messy considering I’m literally on day one of a new job haha can you imagine.

In the street – that would be weird I would probably run a mile literally

So where… between work and life how do you meet someone? Until then I guess I’ll party and get drunk in clubs because hey you’re only 21 once right?

I was going to post a very funny drunk photo, but you know a picture of the beach is nicer! 

Giving Ourselves More Credit

So I went for 4 job interviews this week. 4. Yes 4. I went for one and thought yeah it’s alright. The next day I found out I have another one. LOVED IT. Then went for a second interview at both of them. Today in my sisters and my mums group chat and I quote I said: “I will cry if I don’t get this job”. LITERALLY.

I think we all have that outlook sometimes that things won’t go our way. Things won’t go as planned. I know I’m one to always think the worse. I also thought if I think badly about the job maybe good will come. I know my psychology is messed uppppp.

So I got the call from the agency saying they are going to call the company. It was 4:50pm I thought if I stare at this phone any more I’m going to go mad. Then my sister say I’ve got a call. I answer it. I got the damn job!

It got me thinking we always think the worse, but still hope for the best. I literally always do. For once the outcome was in my favour and I’m literally on cloud 9. Yes at the age of 21 I jumped up and down for joy. Then opened the bottle of prosecco and am now sitting here drinking alone (Because who doesn’t like a Bridget Jones interpretation). No one else wanted to drink on a Thursday night can’t think why?!!

Anyway it just got me thinking we think the worse and give ourselves less credit than we deserve! On that note I need to go pack to spend my last weekend pretending I’m a Uni student before acting like a serious adult starting my job on Monday.

Have a good weekend! xx

Woo finally a picture of me mid-cocktail drinking last weekend in London! I’m sure this weekend will be similar!

Start Living In The Present

I always feel like I’m waiting. I waited for uni to end, I waited to go traveling, I’m waiting for the weekend. It’s true people say we spend our whole life waiting. Life is happening whilst we make plans. I need to stop living for the weekend and live for right now. So I did some researching on ways to live in the now here is my list;

-Forgive past hurts

“It is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody” –Maya Angelou

This weekend I’m going back to my old uni where for my final year their I was depressed and unhappy. I’m likely to bump into a few people that did me wrong. I’m the type of person that wouldn’t confront anyone I just wouldn’t say anything at all. I feel like I’m just gonna take the approach of “hi how are you?” And just let it go. I don’t need my night ruined and they’re never gonna accept they did anything wrong so why put myself through the misery?

-Love your job

It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I best people up” – Muhammad Ali (okay the end of the that quote made me laugh) 

So tomorrow I’m going for my second job interview of the week and it’s only Tuesday say what?! The first interview I didn’t have much hope for but, I actually really liked the atmosphere and felt so much better about the interview after. So when it comes to making a choice what if I don’t like the one that chooses me? What if I get offered both, knowing one is more money which do I pick? CHOICES!

-Dream about the future, but work hard today

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”Eleanor Roosevelt 

It’s good to have plans for the future. That’s how I know I won’t get stuck in a job I hate forever. However, it doesn’t mean today can be any less important than the plans I’ve made for the future.

-Stop worrying

“If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.”
– Dean Smith

I worry so much. I worry I’ll never be good enough, I’ll never be fully happy, I worry about the interview tomorrow, I worry I won’t find a job, I worry about organising my plans for the weekend for me and my friends, I worry about things that don’t need to be worried about but I worry.
This will be forever my biggest failing and the thing that will forever hold me back. I know it aswell I’ve just never been able to change it!

So here’s the things I plan to do to live in the now. Any other ways to stop wishing for the weekend and living in the now feel free to comment! 


Running Away From An Ex Literally 

So me and my sister decided we had such a productive morning. That means waking up early and leaving the house before 10am  shock. Unemployed Graduate life is tough you know? So after running a few errands including signing up to the job agency depressing and going shopping we thought we should go for a run.

So usually we go for an early run. However, this time we went at half 11. We start our run and as we move further forward my sister goes “Shit is that Kevin“* (okay name changed). Kevin is her dickhead ex boyfriend who unfortunately after 4 and a half years of dating and nearly a year of being her ex lives opposite us. And when I say opposite I mean 20 steps from our front door to his (not that I’ve counted). How unfortunate right?!

So back to our run she says it’s him. And I’m like f*#k! We are getting closer and closer there is no way either of us can turn around. So we run past him. My sister then hit’s the indenial stage of ‘it wasn’t him’. 

However, at this point our gentle run has turned into a Usain Bolt marathon sprint. In my head I’m like why are we running so fast we’ve already past him whilst trying to tell my sister it was definitely him. I also in this time have had to keep looking round to see if he’s crossed the road to where we live whilst having heart failure on this run. 

It all sounds dramatic because in the year that they have split up she has never walked past him despite living opposite us. Not once. Yes I’ve seen him and she’s had near misses, but she has never walked side by side. She’s convinced god doesn’t want her to see him. So anyway I was like “why does it matter what would you have done?” – still running Usain Bolt fast. She said “I dunno called him a dickhead”. I then tried to convince her “look you’re fine you we’re running who cares what he thinks he’s an idiot in a SnapBack and still a loser”. Okay we won’t be bitchy about his new girlfriend he got 3 weeks after they split up but yeah (leaves it at that). 

So moral of the story running away from an ex increased the speed of our run and we had our best average all because we almost might still not 100% sure may have seen my sisters ex. We’re still laughing about it now. Well I am… 

Learning To Let Go 

“Pain will leave you, when you let go”. – Jeremy Aldana

I think everyone has something they can’t quite let go of. Or someone that when they think about it just makes them angry or upset. For me it is my relationship with my dad…

Unfortunately my parents split up when I was 2 years old. So I never got to see the big idea of a fairytale wedding and happiness. I’d like to say that my mother has done a phenomenal job in raising both myself and my sister on her own. She taught me independence, courage and how to stand on my own two feet. I think if she was with my dad I may not have that same feeling or maybe even the same relationship as I do with her.

However, as a kid who watches other family’s it does hurt. Me and my sister were the every other weekend daughters to him. Eventually that stopped. He has another family now with his wife and my half brother. He’s not a bad man we always say he’s just a bad dad. But it just baffles me that you could have a kid in this world and not know a thing about them? 

And I know I’m fortunate that my dad is in my life because some people don’t even have that. But having a dad that’s 90% out and 10% in our lives isn’t all that great. This year I didn’t see him till April?! Then I saw him in June. He messaged us once ironically when the earthquake hit Kos which he didn’t even know we were there for until he looked on Facebook. 

I have accepted that he probably won’t ever care. Now at 21 me and my sister say this charade won’t be going on forever. We’re gonna stop it eventually. Because the thing is even when things got really bad a few years ago and I told him the bruital honest truth. Nothing ever changed. And if things don’t change when they’re at their worst then they probably never will.

That being said whenever it comes round to one of our birthday. It frustrates me that we have to wait for them to text. My dad didn’t even bother to ‘like’ my sisters graduation photos this week, he hasn’t bothered to text her even though it’s her birthday next week.

I like to think that I’ve moved on and accepted things for what they are. But part of me thinks how can I accept that my own dad doesn’t care enough about me to even say hello?