“Pain will leave you, when you let go”. – Jeremy Aldana
I think everyone has something they can’t quite let go of. Or someone that when they think about it just makes them angry or upset. For me it is my relationship with my dad…
Unfortunately my parents split up when I was 2 years old. So I never got to see the big idea of a fairytale wedding and happiness. I’d like to say that my mother has done a phenomenal job in raising both myself and my sister on her own. She taught me independence, courage and how to stand on my own two feet. I think if she was with my dad I may not have that same feeling or maybe even the same relationship as I do with her.
However, as a kid who watches other family’s it does hurt. Me and my sister were the every other weekend daughters to him. Eventually that stopped. He has another family now with his wife and my half brother. He’s not a bad man we always say he’s just a bad dad. But it just baffles me that you could have a kid in this world and not know a thing about them?
And I know I’m fortunate that my dad is in my life because some people don’t even have that. But having a dad that’s 90% out and 10% in our lives isn’t all that great. This year I didn’t see him till April?! Then I saw him in June. He messaged us once ironically when the earthquake hit Kos which he didn’t even know we were there for until he looked on Facebook.
I have accepted that he probably won’t ever care. Now at 21 me and my sister say this charade won’t be going on forever. We’re gonna stop it eventually. Because the thing is even when things got really bad a few years ago and I told him the bruital honest truth. Nothing ever changed. And if things don’t change when they’re at their worst then they probably never will.
That being said whenever it comes round to one of our birthday. It frustrates me that we have to wait for them to text. My dad didn’t even bother to ‘like’ my sisters graduation photos this week, he hasn’t bothered to text her even though it’s her birthday next week.
I like to think that I’ve moved on and accepted things for what they are. But part of me thinks how can I accept that my own dad doesn’t care enough about me to even say hello?