Betrayal. It’s One Of The Worst Feelings.

So right now I am currently in a lecture. I’m meant to be discussing the EU Economy for any British person post-Brexit this isn’t the most riveting topic I am actually writing this in my assignment to avoid getting caught under women and the gender pay gap (ironic). I have also made a vow to myself to stop watching so much TV and start reading more books. Therefore, yesterday I read Jay Asher – “Thirteen Reasons why” next month it will appear as a series on Netflix, but I thought I would give a review about the book which is celebrating its 10th year Anniversary of release. A little background – NO SPOILERS I promise. The book is from Hannah Baker’s perspective she has recorded 13 tapes which are sent around to 13 people who she believes have contributed to her death in one way or another the tapes get sent to the first person who hears their story and everyone else’s before passing them on to the next person exposing everyone’s part.

It made me think how our actions have implications on people’s lives no matter how big or small. One of the quotes was; “When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life” this is so true, because every action has a reaction no matter how big or small we are all implicated. In the book Clay who was an innocent party, but was still included. Everyone else was seen as having a negative impact on Hannah’s life except Clay. However, he still has to live with Hannah’s death rightly or wrongly.

Another quote that I feel strongly about is “betrayal. It’s one of the worst feelings”. I feel very strongly about loyalty and living by a moral code. However, I also don’t trust a lot of people, because I’ve learnt you’re less likely to get hurt this way, but betrayal it still hurts. Even when you expect it and know it’s going to happen it still hurts because there’s always hope. Hope that you will be wrong.

This post was a little different, but I just feel like in life we should all think about are actions a little more no matter how big or small our interactions are, they can affect someone’s life more than we will ever know.

2813153 Here’s the book I highly recommend, let me know your thoughts!

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Fear.

Fear. It is the invisible object telling us we can’t do something. It’s the thing that pushes us back every time we think about moving forward. It’s the voice inside us that will forever be our darkest demons.

“Keep your eyes on the stars. And your feet on the ground” – Theodore Roosevelt

This year I have started to conquer my demons in my first two years of University I thought going out and getting drunk because I was young was fun. However, the next day after gaining trillions in weight and feeling emotional and tired with a major hangover I promised myself that would be the last time. This time last year after promising i wouldn’t quit University, i pushed through my fears and decided to finish out the year away from home. I then came up with a plan rather than doing what i was ‘supposed to do’ which was; find a placement year job, then spend another year away from home next year which is everyone expectation of me. I pushed through…

I admitted to myself which was the hardest thing I wasn’t happy and was done getting drunk every weekend just to drown my sorrows in unhappiness. I found a University at home, found a part-time job at a coffee shop (not the best job) but it will do whilst I finish out University. The ironic things is i don’t even like coffee, but i can make your flat white, latte or an Americano a million times a day haha.

Now my life is so different and never how I planned. I am in my final semester ever of University, I’m getting good grades, i’m happy… I always felt the mellow sadness i felt last year was just how life is meant to be? For every person that ever feels that way trust me it isn’t!

I’m also getting rid of the weight, going to the gym regularly this year I’m already 8 pounds down (WOOOO!). Don’t get me wrong going out and getting drunk with my friends is still fun, but I don’t do it because i should do anymore i do it because i want too.

After this semester I plan to spend my summer travelling and then who knows… But it doesn’t scare me anymore because life is too short to let fear rule us.