Living Life Full Of Unknowns…

So recently I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. As one part of my life ends and a new one begins. I was talking to my mum and my sister earlier and we were discussing my future and how its full of unknowns. I said I think its good I’ve finally stopped planning and just started living i don’t know whats going to happen and that’s the best position for me to be in right now (although a little terrifying). Having my life planned out for the last two years has given me structure, but at almost 20 years old i forget that I’m still young and life is full of new things everyday what’s the point in having it mapped out?

So now as i sit in a nearly empty Uni room which i definitely will not miss. I’m finally okay with not knowing what the future holds because whats the point of living one step ahead all the time? I recommend it to everyone stop planning the future because nothing is certain and plans change. I didn’t expect to be where i am now 6 months ago let alone a year, but what i know is that everything is going to turn out okay in the end. It already has for this part of my life and I’m sure it will for the next chapter no matter what happens…

Today’s quote of the day;


I’m a sucker for a gym quote shamefully haha, yet this is somewhat apt for my life?

Today’s positive of the day;
I have 1 exam tomorrow then I go home for a few days before my final exam woooooo!

 

 

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Once You’ve Survived The Hard Times What’s Next?

Sometimes there are days where I just don’t want to do anything. All i want to do is sit around in self-pity and eat food. Unfortunately its exam season, i have to deal with my housemate that brings me down and judges everything i do and I’m also going away in 3 weeks and yes having a good bikini body matters. So instead i am sitting here looking at  takeaway menus that i wont be buying with revision surrounding me.

OKAY negativity over. Whenever I’ve had enough I think about how far I’ve come. I was planning on quitting University last November after having a breakdown and crying for a good week which for people who know me is the polar opposite of who i am. After changing my mind about 5 times i decided to carry on. I now only have two more exams them i am done. Although I’m not a quitter this past year hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to deal with a lot of friendship betrayals on top of uni issues and housing issues all whilst living in a Uni house that didn’t have heating for a good few months so i managed to become very ill. Yet i survived…

And now i have no clue what the future holds i’m moving back home. Hopefully get a summer job, my car and finish Uni, but other than that i have no clue what i will do i have no idea what will happen in life. For the last two years I’ve known exactly what i was doing going to Uni come home for Summer go back to Uni. I’m turning 20 soon and i would like to think i have changed a lot in the last two years (although still so clueless) i am pretty crazy. I think not knowing what is going to happen next is a good thing not everything in life has to be planned and i think i forget that sometimes. Life is full of unknown’s and just needs to be enjoyed rather than rushed or thought through every step of the way. Who knows what will happen next…

Today’s quote of the day;

Today’s positive of the day; 

1 exam 2 to go and i didn’t eat my feelings and stuff my face with chocolate although i’m still thinking about that takeaway…

 

Always Being The Unlucky One

Sometimes I do feel like I’m very unlucky. I’m aware that this is selfish and that some people are in completely worse positions than me, but just sometimes I wish life would give me a break. When I ask my mum why am I so unlucky. She’s says “God only gives you what you can handle”. This might be true, but as a human sometimes it can completely break you. And then having to build yourself up again is the hardest thing.

So today we went to the Garden Centre to eat cake (its good cake) whilst we were there someone had left something they had bought in the public loo’s. My mum made the joke shall we have that (it was some type of plant pot thing) we would not use. My instant response was no (of course she was joking), but straight away I said no we might get bad karma someone could come back for it. We don’t need to tempt fate. So I was being a good person. Although I’m struggling to believe in karma I try to avoid doing things that could come back to bite me ironic huh?

So now a few hours later I’m sitting on the train listening to an old woman tell her friend about the 12 step cardio exercise she does wtf? I will tell you my experience 2 hours or so after my good karma believing…

On my first train back to uni at 5 (joy) I managed to get an earlier train that went my usual  route to the station rather than the route the national rail tried to make me go on. So I thought oh great that’s really handy! (wait for it) So on my route to the station there is a tattoo shop that has this amazing art work just on the wall by the train tracks. It always makes me feel close to home whenever I’m on my way back today I managed to get a picture of it.

I admit not my best shot the train was moving very quick!

So I get to Liverpool Street station and like the moody person I am I always have my music on. I get to the usual underground section and find out there is no central line running what?!! How am I meant to get to the station to get my last train back to Uni?

Then I’m like shit, I knew I should have waited 5 minutes later for the other train, but I just thought I was lucky for once in my life. I then follow the directions to go back on myself end up leaving out of the exit not going to the other platform which was very awkward as their was a homeless person right near who watched me do the whole thing. I faked being on my phone haha because I’m crazy and casually walked back down the stairs that I had just walked back up.

So I get to the station there’s 1 minute until the train starts moving so I do a weird jog/fast walk and sit and google how long it takes to get to the station I’m meant to get the tube from luckily only 8 mins.

I then get the  tube that takes me to the correct station to get back to uni. This tube also has 1 minute until it is leaving and is incredibly busy so I do my weird jog/walk again. I stand for 10 minutes not able to move like a sardine and I’m not joking the level of body odour I could smell was not okay. This girl sitting down near me had her hand over her nose. Standing up I didn’t really have this option.

So I finally make it to the train station to get on my train with 20 minutes to spare. Being an organised person and someone who likes an adrenaline rush at the same time this experience was both exhilarating and a bloody nightmare.

However, the burning question I have to ask again why is it always me? Even the little things. I don’t really want to be getting a train back to uni I want to be at home. Unfortunately I have an exam meaning I have to go back. So surely I deserve some good karma and for my train journey to run smoothly no?

Today’s quote of the day;


Photo credit – Instagram – typograpic

Today’s positive of the day;

Although I’m struggling to find a silver lining to this whole experience I am nearly finished with uni woo!

Just live…

I feel like I spend my whole life waiting. Waiting for time to move quicker, waiting for the tough times to end, waiting for the weekend. Yet what we all seem to forget is, there is a plan much bigger than you and I and waiting for the tough times to end isn’t living. I currently have two weeks until my life stops moving from one end of the country to the other going from the South East to the South West and staying where I belong which is home. However, although I have been through a tough experience in my life. It’s made me stronger without even realising it because there is  a plan much bigger than me and this was just a moment in time. Rather than waiting for it to end I need to embrace it. Life is so short and although there are moments that are tough waiting for them to pass isn’t going to make them hurry along quicker so instead I’ve learned to embrace life let go of what I can’t change and stay positive even through the tough times.

Today’s quote of the day;


Photo credit – Instagram ~ Priyaquotes

Today’s positive of the day;
I need to remember that things will get better no matter how bad life is right now.

What You Think You Truly Become 

Buddha once said; “What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.”

Today this couldn’t be anymore true. This morning I woke up realising I need to get my shit together and start revising for my exams properly. At 9 o’clock my sister sent me a text with the words vibes?. She had found us a holiday, and not just an okay holiday and all inclusive amazing place (large amounts of alcohol) only 1 room left for the dates we wanted to go because it’s so damn popular holiday. We had a lot of debate shall we book it waiting for her to confirm the time off work this went on for two hours then we just thought lets just book it. She said it’s been a tough year for you and I’ve never not went on holiday I’m not planing on that changing now. I just thought you’re right it has been a tough year forget about the money lets just do it. So we booked it…

For the rest of the day I was smiling I revised for 4 hours, I then worked out smiling. I mean who does that?


Post workout I admit I was tired lol!

Now sitting here the sun has just gone in British weather is slightly ruining my tan, but I truly do think its true what you think you do become. I was washing up another boring chore and I just thought why can’t I be this happy all the time. I admit yes sometimes life is tough, but thinking about the positives truly did change my mood for the whole day. I haven’t felt like this for a while which is kind of sad, but makes me think life’s not all bad. Although there are tough days I need to remember days like today make them easier to overcome.

Today’s quote of the day; 


Photo credit – Instagram – Attics

Today’s positive of the day;
I’ve realised life isn’t all bad and there is still things to smile about.

Strength In Choices

Recently I’ve realised that not everyone needs to know everything I do. I don’t trust easy, but the people I do trust I’m compelled to tell them how I feel or what I’m thinking. I’ve realise that sometimes you don’t need to let someone know everything about you so that they will be your friend.

I related this to my new found strength HIIT training with dumbbells which is absolutely killing me btw. When you stand still holding the dumbbell you feel strength and empowerment ready to take on the challenge but, when you do that bicep curl and lift the weight above your head you start to shake. This is a lot like people when you first meet and connect with someone you want to tell them everything about you so that they can get to know you and you find strength in a new found friendship. However, the friendship can reach a peak like a dumbbell and as soon as you make a decision that they don’t like you then find yourself justifying your choices to suit them. It no longer becomes about what you want to do and more about why this decision doesn’t sit right with them. The only way to stop it is to lower the dumbbell so that your no longer justifying your choices.

Today’s quote of the day;


Photo credit – Ronda Rousey Instagram

I liked this quote as it speaks to truth to how I’m feeling recently. When you let people in you find yourself explaining everything about your decisions when people should accept what you say at face value.

Today’s positive of the day;

Although my day consisted of revision for exams and doing a HIIT workout with Dumbbells which have absolutely destroyed my body. I am actually happy.

What You Think Of Yourself Is The Most Important

Sometimes all I want to do is give up, give in and forget the choices I’ve made. Yet something always keeps me going. I know that no matter what I do my mum will always be proud of me so it’s not her that stops me giving up. It’s  myself. I know that I would be disappointed in myself if I give in this is partly because I put pressure on myself, but also because I’m not doing this Uni degree for anyone else I’m doing it for me. No matter how much I get judged for my decisions I need to remember what I think of myself is more important that what friends or family think of the choices I’ve made. Otherwise im just living for other people and what’s the point in that because when they have stopped having an opinion on my life then I’ll just be waiting for the next person to judge me so that I can let them plan my future when in reality people come and go, but I’m the only permanent person in my life.

Recently I feel like I’m always justifying my decisions if it’s not to my housemates about why I can’t stand living with them its to friends when they moan at why I always go home all the time like it affects their life so much?! Even today I admit I’m not good at messaging people all the time and do like my own company a little too much, but when a friend asked what i’m doing later after not speaking for two weeks and I said oh I’m at home not at uni her first comment was oh for god sake why are you back again. Instantly I felt myself justifying my reasons like I need to live every second of my life by her. Then I stopped myself and thought hang on a minute I don’t speak to you everyday you aren’t a constant person in my life why am I proving something to you that I don’t even need to prove to myself. I’ve realised that I will be a lot happier if I stop living for other people’s approval and start living my life the way I want.

Todays quote of the day;


Today’s positive of the day;
Not a lot happened apart from we got new dumbbells fitness hype has taken full force in this household! Also I recommend Andra Day -Rise up it’s a really motivational song for getting through tough times I recently heard it on Greys Anatomy and now have it on repeat!