Sticking To The Path

So 9 days into the New Year. Well where did that go. I feel like I have just been floating through this year already. It’s hard to explain, but the only way I can describe is that I’m just present but nothing is really happening except it is. You get it? Nope neither do I.

Anyway sticking to the path. I am not putting a label on it except I kind of am. Dry January. Giving up alcohol for the whole month. I’m doing it..well I say I’m not calling it that for fear I might quit but in theory I’m doing it! 9 days in, I’ve been to the gym twice this week and went out to a social event and didn’t drink. Who am I?! Will I be a changed person? Who knows.

However, it’s feels good. Sticking something out. Usually i give up at the first hurdle and opt for the YOLO approach which in hindsight is pretty pathetic, but always seems un-regrettable at the time. This time though. Things are different! I’m still going. I have been designated driver in order to stop myself even being tempted. Sometimes motivation can actually get you through something no matter how much peer pressure or doubt you get from family and friend. Anyway I’ll let you know how I get on I. I bought our house an anti-affirmation calendar it gives me a laugh one day at a time 😂 have a good day! 🤙🏽

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2019 Let’s Start Again

Wow 2018 I’m glad that shit show is over. This last year hasn’t exactly been one for the books. But 2019. I’m not going into this positive, optimistic or praying to make it the best. I vow to take this year on no matter what comes my way. Things will happen. Life will be tough. But it’s how we react that is the true test.

This year I plan to make changes for my future and not be stuck living in the present wishing my life away. So even after a messy new year eve. Which has actually made me want to go T – Total. Honestly I’ve downloaded the dry January app it’s that serious. I need to take my health more seriously. So 2019 without now expectation or hesitation let’s do this.

The Christmas Spirit

So this year has been A YEAR

These last few weeks have been hella bad. Me and my family are literally waiting for 2019. It’s been hard to be in the Christmas spirit this last week. With family in hospital and work drama I’m done. Thank God I have now finished work.

Friday night I thought okay let’s get in the Christmas spirit so we went to the pub. So British it hurts. I drunk all the Christmas alcohol which was a lot of mixing. Then went out… next morning safe to say I had my head down the loo. But hurray finally in the Christmas spirit.

I have realised no matter how hard life gets as long as I have family, life will literally be okay. Even at the worst of times we have each other. So as I finally try to get into this Christmas spirit I am now watching the holiday drinking wine. Hoping the last few days of December will be okay. I hope your Christmas is less eventful than mine! Bless my mum she has still tried to re-create the elf on the shelf which I didn’t know was a legit think until this year!

This Time Three Years Ago

Today I went to the gym it’s a SATURDAY. I went out, and had a mild joke that people already had their Christmas decorations up even though it’s only the 1st. I’m happy.

Three years ago today Facebook decided to do one of those memory things. This is literally the post I put up.

I had been on a night out. Lost my ID, my Uni Card and my purse. Blacked out. And woke up to their being a gas leak down our street. I had been living at my Uni home for about 3 months a couple of days after this post I went home after feeling so ill and depressed and planned to quit Uni.

Today when that post came up it literally made me feel a little sad inside. That time in my life I felt so lost. Although I can still have days were I question am I doing the right thing. Is this really what I want. I don’t panic. I just know it will all work out in the end.

I went to the gym after I saw this and just let it go. But when I think back I’m just literally astounded I felt so low. Like I just didn’t feel my life will improve. This year has been such a testing last few months from September until now. I have received a lot of bad news. My old self would quit, give up and just eat the chocolate bar. Although I still eat the same chocolate bar now and again I go to the gym regularly, I take a breath and know that I am only given what I can handle in this life. Life wasn’t meant to be easy, but how we handle things can be. ✌🏽

You Live, Learn and Let Go

Life – It has been a minute! WOW. The title of this post literally represents everything that is going on at the moment.

LIVE – I visited a friend in hospital who has leukaemia at the age of 27. I’m so fortunate that I haven’t seen a lot of death, and haven’t been exposed to hospitals as much as many other people my age (22). This I will forever appreciate. Going to a hospital it scared me I won’t lie, after we left I just felt flat. We quickly dashed to the nearest supermarket for chocolate, because that makes everything better right?! The following day I got some tough news that my amazing Nan isn’t very well. Safe to say I cried that night. It was just a roller coaster of emotions. I’m still getting used to the fact, but If last week taught me one things it was to just LIVE! Live like no one cares, but still remember too feel everything!

LEARN – So after the hella bad week I then had to spend my weekend at the TEFL course. Which I was supposed to be so excited for. I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING WORSE. So I went. To be honest it wasn’t actually that bad I was with a really good group and we actually laughed! But in the back of my mind I had this weird feeling. A job came up at my work. Yes the job I have cried, screamed and hated for the last year. It was a role in marketing and editing which is something I have deep down always wanted to get into, but never truly had the opportunity. I also felt that I had never went the right educational path for this job. So I put myself forward for it despite all my doubts….

LET GO – So I have gone for the position. Although there is going to be a lot of hate (my manger *Eye roll emoji*) I have nothing to lose. Yes I planned to quit my job in 3 weeks, but wouldn’t I be a fool not to go after something I want. So I had another meeting today about it. I haven’t found out if I have got it yet, but it’s also not a no. I’ve decided to let go of planning. Stop worry that I was going to quit my job and now potentially might not.

Either way you live, learn and let go. This week has been one of those weeks, but its okay. In the end everything will be okay.

A Year Since Graduation

So today it’s officially a year since Graduating from University. A year. A Whole damn 365 days. I would like to confirm a few things;

-Post Graduation Blues is REAL

-No I do not have my life together a year later

– And finally nope that degree haven’t felt like I have required it once in this last year

Although there is a bittersweet feeling. I had such high expectations of my job this time a year ago. Still in that shit show of a job. I thought things would be great after University I was so done with my degree. Right now I question what was the damn rush?!

However, a year on. I do feel like I am finally making waves. Graduation blues still linger. For example the question of what I am actually going to do with my life is still an everyday concern. I am finally trying to get somewhere. OR ANYWHERE. Away from this job. It’s a working progress and by progress I mean I will be quitting my job no matter what at the end of November. The degree, it may not be useful right now, but jobs on my TEFL course require it. So there! Finally found an advantage.

This was more just a summary of how a year after graduation life carry’s on. I am currently very tired after thinking it was acceptable to go to a gig on a work night. On that note I’m going to bed! ✌🏽

In The End We Will Be Okay

I read this Instagram post the other day and I tell you what something has resonated with me so bad in a long time.

I think it’s so important to focus on yourself. However, like many people I tend to forget, or worry about others first. Although from the outside I drink loads of water and try to be as healthy as possible – I say that with hesitation everyone’s allowed a few cocktails every once in a while right?! (Awaits response)

However, there’s always these things, wether their thoughts or regrets or issues unresolved. That slowly creep into your mind. You don’t even have to be thinking about them and they can just appear. It’s easy to feel regretful. I’ve done that a lot lately. I regret I didn’t start saving earlier, regret that I didn’t start trying to lose weight quicker. So many regrets in life with family. But then I stop and thought in the end I’ll be okay. A work colleague has recently been diagnosed with leukaemia. I’m someone that hasn’t experienced a lot of death, I know I’m so fortunate at the age of 22. He is constantly in my mind when I think about life decisions. You just never know how much time you have got on this earth. It has never been more obvious than it is right now to seize every moment stop living with regret, because as long as we do our best. In the end we will always be okay.

Have a good weekend peace and love ✌🏽